Non-Existent Blog

GO TO THE NEW BLOG

2008-11-13T06:49:00.000-06:00

THis blog has died.

For some reason comments have quit working on this blog, so I have switched over.

No, the style has not be preserved (I didn't feel up to finding it :p

EIther way, follow me on the new blog now.
Sorry for the difficulty -.-

Acer Aspire and Blogging

2008-11-03T18:51:00.000-06:00

There is absolutely nothing to blog about -.-
I mean, I'm tired, I want toast, and I'm listening to Katy Perry.
That's it.
That's all I've been able to really do.

The coolest thing that' happened to me is I've gotten an Acer Aspire One.

It's really an awesome netbook.
At first I thought "Acer, pfh, not good."
But, it's tiny, and sleek, and it works great.
To say the least it is one of the best things I've seen on the market in a while.

And, speaking of market. What's been up with the gas lately?
It's nice, but surely that'll come back to bite us in the ass.
Right?
Also, I can't wait untill tomorrow.

I really feel like most of our future is really relying on this election.
I mean, if Obama wins we start to head towards socialist.
If Mcain wins we head towards a skewed version of what we already have.

Either way it sucks.
But, my interest has really been focoused on Obhama and his "Nazi Policies" so to say.

He seems a lot like Hitler.
Give the people what they want, and take control of the youth.
yada, yada, we're screwed.
I dunno', I really just wanted to let ya' know I'm still alive.

Toodles :D

Oh yeah, I'm working on a story, but it's going no where.
I may or may not post some of it. :p

Going Camping

2008-10-24T06:21:00.000-05:00

Today I'm going camping in La. It's going to be fun, but really, really cold.
All in all, I'm just posting to say that I'm going to be gone, and if you want to check out my stuff, you can follow me on twitter :D
I'll still be posting on twitter.
Just not blogger.

I'll be back Monday ;)

Has Facebook turned into bloatware?

2008-10-22T18:37:00.001-05:00

Over the past few days I've found myself using facebook much like I used to use Myspace.
Check my inbox, log out. Check my inbox, log out.
It seems that facebook just isn't worth it. It's bloated, and over-kill as a website.
The apps take up to much room, and it's annoying to get requests to try out some apps.
Really, I've started using Blogger for my "social" thing, and twitter to keep people knowing what I'm doing.
I use facebook for messaging. That's it.
Really, facebook is like some address book for me.
But, Blogger feels fresh. It is built around learning about people, and information.
Those are two things that I like :D

But, I digress.
Really, facebook has become bloatware.
And, I do defend that.

Either way, I will continue to use facebook until I find something better (which I haven't managed to yet).
If you have any suggestions, please do tell :D

Lala

2008-10-21T21:06:00.001-05:00

It's tearing through the blogosphere.
Lala, a music website that has struggled at times has come up with a new service that lets you buy music on the internet for pennies!!!

You can't put the music on a music player, but you can listen to it on the interwebs.
You can also buy the actual album, but why?
It's worth it in the world, and it's going towards the future ;)

Lala
This is the site

It is pretty cool really.

But, onwards with the day.

English 2
My day started off... weird. Why? I ended up with Mr. Williams, who is probably the strangest teacher in existence. He pretended to get sucked into his desk, threatened to fart on a student, and made a strange laugh at random intervals. So, he has me creep'd out. He seems like a decent teacher though... just creepy.

Geometry
Geometry was pretty boring really. It was made up mostly of silence, and short conversations. I found the teacher was mostly unassertive, and almost seemed nervous around us. It'll take some time to get used to this class.

Speech
Speech, speech, speech, speech. I have a lot to say about Speech.
I have Speech with Macey and Makayla. This is an amazingly cool thing, but, it's also amazingly frustrating.
To me, they are at times overly chatty, and upon entry to the class they took the liberty to hug me despite the rule against PDA (Public Display of Affection).

Really, it's cool to get hugged by your friends. But, it's not cool to openly break rules in class. It's just not right. Also, this makes the class different for me. I've never been in class with either of them, and they both talk a lot. It's hard for me to concentrate when people are talking, and they have reasons to talk to me. I'm Macey says I'm her "bestest friend", and I'm like one of Makayla's best friends too. I don't think I can recall having a class with anybody that was seriously my best friend.

They also read body language a lot, so at times they think I'm "sad" when I'm not. That gets annoying, and opens up rivers of possible conversation.

Also, Macey said, "Group work sucks though because all you want to do is talk..."
That's another BIG worry of mine. I'm already a bad procrastonator, and I'm really trying to do good in school. But, it's going to be hard with all the conversation in the airways.

I really just need to be focused on school right now.

Chemistry
Not much to say here, it's a boring class. I only know a handful of people. And, Mr. Cook is pretty lax. It seems like it may actually be an easy enough class.

That was my day.

It's short and sweet, no?

School

2008-10-20T17:26:00.001-05:00

School is this big place that I haven't been to in 2 monthes.
Obviously, it is worth it to go there and get a degree.
So, today I started my day by getting my schedule.
A-1: Newspaper
Walk in, and the volume is set to mute. I swear, not a single voice was risen. Though I was extremely anxious, my nerves were calmed when I saw that Victoria was in the class. The teacher, Mrs. Liska, was grading papers all period, and I got the impression that the class was more of a "Do it on your own" class.
Otherwise, the class was good, just boring.

A-2: Gym
Simply, it was fun. We played volleyball. I don't really know anybody in the class, but the people seem nice enough.

A-3: Interior Design
It's not a class full of people I know. Actually, I don't know anybody. But, the class is fun! I get to design... interiors :p
I really like it though, least, my first day was good.

A-4: World History
World History was alright. As is expected, there were plenty of people I knew in the class. It was pretty boring, and normal though. Mr. Self is quite a character though.

Really, school went great today.
Tomorrow will probably only be better.

Mom

2008-10-19T15:27:00.003-05:00

Today my mom came over to see me.
Sure, we have issues, but the fact is that we are trying to work around those.
Surely my grandpa is still not a hundred percent sure on is she's changed or not, but I am willing to give her a chance.
The visit went alright anyways.
Kinda' boring, but decent enough.

I also went to a party for an hour.
Nearly had a panic attack, but I did go.
-.-

I did go on a walk.
Tomorrow I start SCHOOL!
I'm really excited, but very nervous

I think I'll do alright though.

But, something disturbs me.
It turns out that I'm a big part of a few people's life.
Needless to say I have never thought of myself like that.
Macey described my position like this:
"It's like this" (holding her fist slightly apart)
but with me back "it's like this" (Pushing her fists together)

I make things work is kinda' what I got out of that.
It's an amazing feeling, being a big part of people's lives.

Thank God I lived ^-^

Thank God, Thank God, Thank God

I'm happy just thinking about everything.
It's good... very good.

Oh yes, if you have a blogger, follow me ^o^

Please? 0_0
Also, like usual tell other about my blog.
It'd be appreciated.

Aanima

It sounds a bit like Tool to me :p

My new favorite phone

2008-10-18T11:27:00.001-05:00

Sony-Ericsson w580i

It's awesome, and I now have text and internet :D
The fact is that it's nice, sleek, and to say the least, amazing.
The phone will send me an email when someone comments my blog :)

Which, is awesome.
Plus, I can blog on the go if I need to.
It's awesome.
I'm very happy with the phone, and I will use it.

It also makes a great media player.

So, if you're looking for a great, small phone, this is the one for you :D

Anxiety

2008-10-17T20:47:00.001-05:00

I will admit it, I have absolutely no idea what to write.
-.-
I am, to say the least, just trying to manage with my anxiety, and my desire.
I'm anxious because I will see so many people very soon.
but, I desire seeing them.
SO, it's cool right?
No, it makes my whole body ache. I am bursting with anticipation. my thoughts are confused.
So, I dream.
I dream of a life that I may, or may not have. I dream of a world that may or may not exist.
Just, I keep thinking of going to school, and seeing people.
A MASS of people.

It's nerve wrecking to someone whose spent 2 monthes going to school with a handful of guys that I also live with.

I also think about the people at Meridale. I feel for them because they still have those 7 to 9 lives.
They'd be in group right now. Talking about stuff.

Here I am at a computer, typing out my life.
Is that right?
I feel it is, but I can't be certain.
Why not?
Nothing is certain.

I'm not sad, depressed, or angry.
Just... confused.
Going from a place like Meridale, and then just coming home.
It's super strange.

I remember thinking today that I should have stayed at Meridale two more weeks.
If only for the comfort of not having to change.
But, I do have to change.
I can't stay there forever.

I have this feeling that when I really get back to school everything will be alright.

It'll reassure me.

Helk, today Bella trying to choke me to death (aka Hug) was reassuring in of itself.
But, I am, still anxious.
I'll blog tomorrow.
Maybe I'll actually have something to say :p

Where's Tyler?

2008-10-16T20:39:00.002-05:00

Back, that's where.
For the past 2 monthes I have been at a treatment center getting better! And, it worked :D

I feel happier, more content, and, all in all, better. Flat-out better.
I'll post more later.
Gotta' get used to blogging again :p

Okay.

I thought a lot about it last night, and I decided I'm just going to blog.

Forget the past, and start it over.

Well, by forget that past I mean not blogging about it.

I had issues, I'm back home, and my issues are healing over.

I'm at home, bored, typing the from my grandpa's computer because I can't get mine to work with internet -.-

Probably a missing driver or something.

I will get enrolled back it to school later today, and begin classes on Monday.

I saw Macey and Cari yesterday, and it was so great!

They seem very, very happy to see that I am

Alive
Back home
Going back to school soon

I'm nervous because I already know that one guy hates me for what I did.
But, I got my friends, and my family.
So, I'll survive.
I'm really nervous about going back to school.
Not nervous that anything bad's going to happen. Just, that there will be frustrating people that hate me for my suicide attempt.

All I can do is prove I've changed, and show love in the face of hate.
Peace and what not.

That's something that's changed about me.
I can't stand violence, and killing anymore.
I even avoid killing insects now.
It's just, meaningless to harm things.

They do nothing to me, why should I effect them?
No reason too :)

And, I have my mantra, "It's not about winning or losing, just how much effort you put into it."

It's short, simple, honest, and easy to live by.
And I DO now.

I think I'll go.

I'm tired of my fingers moving :p

I'm not as good as I used to be at typing.

No music for now.
No reason for now.

The Day Is Today

2008-08-06T21:45:00.006-05:00

Firstly, yeah, I'm depressed right now.
The doctor took me off the prozac, and it's finally all gotten out of my system.
And, I've pretty much been having the most awfully miserable thoughts.
I still have some prozac left, so I'm going to talk to my grandma about letting me keep taking it for now.
I see the doctor again in about 3 weeks, so I'll be able to talk to him about the fact that even if the prozac does seem to make me have more panic attacks when I take it, I'd rather that than being miserable.

I am starting to think all shrinks might be stupid. The first one I had only checked his email (and one time he was looking at his Myspace!!!) when I went there.
So, we got rid of him after the third visit.

The doctor I have now just took me off the prozac.
Most anybody who knows anything about medicine knows that the only way you should take some one off an anti-depressant is over time. Not just throw them off it.

It gets worse when he gave me xanax knowing that I'm susceptible to addiction (anorexia, self injury). Meds that help with panic attacks have extremely high addiction rates. I mean, it's the only pill that I've ever seen warning against addiction right on the bottle (and, with all the problems my family has, I have seen a lot of pill bottles).

I don't get how they allow stupid people into the medicine practice >:(
Course, I also must admit that now adays every body seems to have something wrong with them.

So, that is my current mental state.
Onto something more interesting.

I always bug my friends about about checking out my blog and lovingly refer to it as "whoring" my blog :p
But, today one of my friends (hereinto referred to as Macey :p if she reads this) told me that she looks at my posts, but doesn't comment on them because I don't post about anything that is easy to comment to.

I took a lot of liberties in paraphrasing that because my memory sucks. But, that is what I got from her speak.

I mean, a comment doesn't have to be long.
It doesn't have to be true.
It just has to be a comment.

Like you could say, "That sucks."

And, when my gMail says I have a new comment, I'd still be more than happy.

Comments don't have to start a disscussion.
They just have to be a comment.
If it was the other way around, the button wouldn't say "0 comments".
It'd say something like "0 discussions".

Wow, my blog's starting to act like it's about "How to work and use a blog" :p
Guess that's because of how much I'm writing about my work in getting my blog out there.

Meh. My brain has run dry of thoughts for the day.

meh, I feel a little emo today :p

Also, sorry but that's the only free song they have.
It's still good though

grrr, I'm becoming obsessive with my editing.
I probably just fixed twelve different mistakes on four different occasions :p

Just a little question...

2008-08-05T05:58:00.002-05:00

I've been searching around Mybloglog, looking at people's blogs and such.
But, some people have this weird thing where they for some strange reason have decided to either 1. Not allow comments, or 2. Completely block off the blog so it can't be seen.

To me, that doesn't make sense.
In my eyes the entire concept of a blog is to give input, and then receive output.
Right?

Having a blog with just input, but no output makes it a website.
So why have the blog?
Or, not really that, but why put it in blog listings?
A blog that can't be commented on is just a website.
There was a time when you call a blog that you can't comment on a website.
But those times are long gone.

Now, a blog is a tool for both input and output.

Then, on blogs that are blocked off from the general public.
That's stupid.
If you build a blog that is only for your friends to see, why not just tell them in person, or on the phone, or on facebook.
You don't have to waste space on the internet.
And, you definitely don't have to put it in a blog listing.

Maybe though, I take to much of an OJ Simpson approach to blogging.
I truly blog so I can say If I Did It, Here's How it Happened.
I think that if I do anything, or think anything, and don't feel like the world can be allowed to know it, it must be wrong.

I know there's things you shouldn't talk about, so I don't talk about those things.
I understand that there's things that are so normal that it's pointless to talk about them.
If I didn't my blog would pretty much be about my bowel movements, what I ate, and the fact that I have fingers (how else would I type?)

.....nevermind that question :p

The point is, I believe blogging is a social thing, and if you're not going to use it as such. What's the point?

2008-08-04T23:58:00.002-05:00

I was planning my blog entry for yesterday (is that even correct English?), but then I got up in Mybloglog it's pretty much just a way to get your blog noticed, and I think it works... a little.
My blog isn't really anything that most people would want to check out every day or anything, but I still love comments :p

So, I've been giving that a try, and it's at least getting me some hits.
Comments, nah, but hits are good too.

Anyways, I've been working on making even a tiny dent in the Blogosphere.
Do they even it call it that anymore?
Yeah, it's that hard to keep up with the internet.
It's even harder when you have a rat trying to type for you -.-
And by type I mean "bbbbbbbbbbsdakjf" -.-
Oh well, I love Toshiba. Even if he hasn't quite figured out that my fingers are not food.

I digress, today I haven't done much.
I joined this pretty awesome site called Tumblr.
It's kind of like Twitter, but better for actual blogging.
A lot of people use Twitter to just say what they're doing.
That's because Twitter thinks that if you can't say it in 140 words, it's not worth saying.
But with Tumblr I can post any random thought, link, quote or picture or video.
I'm not limited.
So, Tumblr is for a newer type of blogging called "Life Streaming".

To be honest, I'm not sure how new life streaming is because some people refer to the way Tumblr works as the way older blogs worked.

"They remind me of an older style of blogging, back when people did sites by hand..."
Jason Kottke

And, I can see how that would make sense.

In the ealier days of blogging. Posting was less organized, and less corporate.

A "web log" was normally just a list of what happened, or a list of interests, or a list of this and that.

Early internet wasn't based around multimedia. It was based around text that was added at sporadic occasions by people who knew how to code a website.

That's why it was called a Web Log, or occasionally simply a journal, or diary.

But, I'm going to try to use Tumblr to pretty much just archive my daily life (and any thing I find that interests me), while this blog gets to be the center point of my thoughts... well, and my music... and my pictures... and my... oh, this is the biggest part. Tumblr is a side thing of interests and events :p

Also, my Tumblr is on the side panel to the right.

The thing that says liveblog.

Also, about my review of Xubuntu.

XFCE seems mostly like a slightly less organized, slightly more complicated version of GNOME.

But, it opens programs so fast that I'm gonna' stick with it for a while.

But, for people looking for a good Linux distro, Ubuntu seems the most stable.

Some people practically worship Opensuse, but everytime I've tried to use it, it crashes on me.

I might as well get to the music

How about something Ambient?

That should offset someof the harder stuff I've been having on here ;]

Some Interesting Points

2008-08-02T16:54:00.003-05:00

Other than the fact that yes, the Xanax seems to combat some of my problems, it does seem to lower my appetite even more :|
It also makes me slightly more dehydrated -.-

But, that is not what this blog is about.
Firstly, last night I looked into changing blogging sites.
For those who don't know, right now I use Blogger.

Firstly I looked into Livejournal, but quickly decided it was way to complicated for my simple mind :P
Plus, it revolved around social interactions.
Which I find pointless in a blog.

So, I went to Wordpress which had a login that said "Already Hip?"
I was like, "No, but I want to be hip. Sounds like it'd be cool."
Well, Wordpress was complicated at first, but after a half hour of messing with it, I managed to import my posts from Blogger to Wordpress.
Okay, so check out my blog which I had already customized to look nice and simple.

Scan my old posts... some thing is messing.

All of the flash code for my Jamendo playlists had vanished!
POOF!
Gone.

But, I decided to not let something small like that get in my way.
I would just go an re-add all the code.
Nothing way to big.

But, I tried it on one playlist, and then hit "Save".
Checked my blog.
Nothing.
About then I was getting pissed off.
But, I had started to actually like the way Wordpress was set up.
So, I did as much searcing as I could on how to add the Jamendo playlist.
Nothing.

I was super upset by now.
So, I just said screw it, and made my way back to the best blogging service for people who actually use media in they're blogs :D

But, for Web2.0 I would like to show ya' a nice search engine.

Searchme

This is an awesome search engine that pretty much searches like any other search enigine, but then it shows you the results in a nice coverflow form.
Then, you can make personal "Stacks" which hold searches divded in pretty much any way you want.

Like, here's my stack for Wikipedia articles of medicines that I take or have taken (trust, that is useful for me)

Searchme

Maximize stack view

Then, here's another stack of mine that is just a handful of sites that I find help ease boredom :P

Searchme

Maximize stack view

Right now though, your stacks are saved in your "Flash Cache" which basically means if you delete your cookies, you will lose your stacks. They're saying they're working on that though.

Today I would like to show ya' All:My:Faults.
It's a good German band that kinda' sounds like a less industrial/techno version of NDH with a very strong mixing of British Metalcore.

Bleh

2008-08-01T00:29:00.009-05:00

My whole head. No, my whole body they ache.
This Strattera sucks.
No, worse than sucks.
All day I have been in a physical and mental mess.
I sleep, but I'm still tired.
I'm awake but I don't think.
Music makes my thoughts ramble.
And the very essence of my attitude towards life is destroyed.

Yes, it sucks.

Today Sony went outside, and came back in with a bump on his chin.
I think he fell on it or something cause the swelling is already going down.
Sony also decided to be an evil cat and harass Toshiba -.-
He didn't hurt him, just tried to play with him.
Now, Toshiba is scared, and hiding in his litter.

Otherwise, my day has been crap... actually, that was crap.
So, my whole say has been crap :P
I'm trying to find something interesting.
Just not quite sure what it is -.-

A Little Poem I wrote a while back... I was trying to be fancy :P

The sky was shown on amber wings
As the sun was found
The day was renewed as crystal sings
The moon took it's final bow

I thought I could stand dreaming
Whenever the muse struck me
Her eyes were stern yet loving
As a father to his one sun

I asked her, how shall I strike this match
She spake in a soft tone of motherly match
Give them their wants in less than treaded paths
Give them their dreams in a small, bite-sized batch
For you do not want them to be to full
Less you find yourself also full

For music I show ya' Musicforcap
It's in the same vein as The White Stripes, but... a lot different :P

Today

2008-07-30T20:04:00.001-05:00

Today I went to the psychiatrist for a checkup. You know, regular stuff. I talked to him about my constant panic attacks, and he decided that the Prozac was causing them. Weird right?
He took me off Prozac, and put me on Xanax.
Then, my grandmother came in, and talked to him about my problems concentrating.
So, I now have ADHD. Strattera it is.
I'm not sure about the Xanax because I haven't gotten the pills yet.
I'm gonna' be on like... a very small dosage twice a day for that.

The Strattera though.
Oh my.
I've never taken well to ADHD meds, and this one isn't much different.
Loss of appetite is probably my biggest problem with them.
Nausea too.
But, I'm going to keep with it and wait the bad side effects out.
Hopefully it'll help me somehow.

After that my grandmother and I went around to Popeye's to grab some chicken for lunch (I have to eat when I take Strattera right now).
I'd never eaten Popeye's.., and it was alright.
But, the real event of the day came when we went to the pet store to get my grandpa some fish. I was wondering around the store looking for someone to help us with the fish. I walked through the small animals section, and as always I love looking at the hamsters, and cavies, and mice.
But, this time I looked down at a hairless rat!

I thought, "It's so cute. It reminds me of Baldwig (a previous hairless pet).
When I held the rat, it was like, wow, it's so wonderful.
So, I got him, and now his name is Toshiba, and he lives in a 10 gallon aquarium.

And there he is :D
I know the aquarium is kinda' dirty, but he doesn't seem to mind.

My grandpa described him as "Feeling like a foreskin." :(
But... he does... which is weird I guess. O_o

Also, now when Sony looks into his cage I can say "Sony, quit messing with Toshiba."
Yes, I know I'm a geek :P

All in all, my day was good. Very much so.

FUN FACT: Yes, rat's do pass gas... and it smells *-*

Filtered Water And TV

2008-07-29T23:42:00.002-05:00

Brita Water Pitcher
If you live in Ennis, these things are so overrated.
I picked one up for 8 bucks at Wal-Mart because they were on sale, and I've been using it for the past monthe.
After a monthe of use, I still get black specks of charcoal (I think that's what it is) in the water, and Ennis water is already softer, and of higher quality than most other places, so it's extremely useless here.
It does make a nice pitcher though. It pours very well compared to other pitchers I've used. Not worth the $15 retail.

But, I found something awesome.
Well, I've know about it for a while, but i just now wanted to talk about it.

Hulu!
Hulu is like, a large database of internet tv shows.
You can watch The Office, or The Colbert Report, or all sorts of other channels from the comfort of you computer screen.
And, if you have a laptop you can watch tv anywhere.
My favorite places:
The Toilet

Not Me :Phttp://www.liewcf.com/blog/wp-images/best-employee.jpg

With Your Best (and let's admit it, only) Friends

http://images.teamsugar.com/files/users/1/15111/45_2007/3%20laptop%20geeks.preview.jpg

And Of Course, The 6th Dimension

There is no place that solid white in my world!
http://www.imagescience.de/singleparticles_org/school/img/laptop.jpg

Hulu is cool though, with it you can subscribe to your favorite shows. Then, when a new episode comes out for the show, Hulu will notify your account.
I go by Lexxin on it, but I'm not sure if that'll be useful to you :P

Today I wanted ya' to take a listening to Qurtis.
It's good. Trust me... would I lie to you?
Actually, don't answer that question.

Today...

2008-07-28T00:26:00.002-05:00

I got new school clothes, and shoes.

The clothes are just fine.
They don't sow any logos, or any crap like that.
But, the shoes... they're VANS :(
I hate VANS because of the way they market they're logo.
It's stupid.
I don't skateboard, so it's already annoying to like the skateboard shoes, but, it's already to market a company that's like Hot Topic.
Yes, I put VANS up there with Hot Topic.
It is that bad.

Just like Hot Topic, VANS markets a sub-culture as mainsteam.
And, half the people that are punk/skateboard/etc. don't even care, and buy the shoes still!
That's stupid.

Hot Topic did the same thing on a much larger scale. So, I don't go to Hot Topic.
It's my own personal protest against that sort of mainstreaming.
Not that I'm against mainstream.
I'm against sub-culture's that are against mainstream going mainstream.

So, I took this shoe:

And turned it into this:

Yes, it was easy.
Just had to cut off the logo.

However, the other shoe didn't want the logo to come off.
So, it left a big blot of dried glue.
I think I can fix it.

My Sneaux though (the shoes I have had for a year) have actually been used so much that the suede has come off, and now the shoe feels like leather :D
When I picked it up today, I looked at it funny cause I thought it was one of my grandpa's leather shoes.
:P

"You want to burn it down | So fucking slowly"
Trick Seventeen - Trick Seventeen - You Swank!
Anarcho-Punk FTW!

Meh, Warning: EMO MOMENT

2008-07-26T04:47:00.002-05:00

No, that's not a joke.
I'm sick, so I feel god awful.
Plus, my depression has been like on high.
I'd take my medicine to help it, but I don't like the way it makes me feel.
When I take my prozac I feel like... all hyper.
My grandparents think I get hyper on days when I don't take it.
They just don't know I never take it.
But, normally my depression is in check.
I'm actually better.
But, all I can think about is all the people I've hurt (or tried to hurt) because of my depression :|
Then, I get around to thinking about nothing except all the things I've missed out on.
I know I can redeem myself from all that stuff.
It just seems so hard at times.
Why?
Cause I don't even like 60% of the things I missed out on.
I just am full of what if's...

But, what's worse is that the rest of my time is spent thinking about how huge I'm going to seem to all the people at school :(
The people who haven't seen me all summer.
They'll say I still look the same as always.
Some might still tell me to eat.
But, I do that naturally.
140 is my new most hated number.
Guys aren't like this.
And even then I'm recovered.
I always eat.
I don't really want to get stuck in that trap.
Not again.

On another, better, more positive hand, I haven't cut in almost two monthes.
I think this time I might really be through with that.
I mean, I've gone 8 monthes before.
But, I don't collect sharp things anymore.
I can't remember a time before now when I didn't collect sharp stuff.
I still sleep with a razor under my pillow.
But that's because I feel safe with it there
And, I guess I don't literally sleep with one under my pillow.
I think it's somewhere under my bed with sticks of glue from seventh grade, smokes from eighth, and empty beer cans from ninth.

Oh yes, I went there.
I went all the way there :P

Meh, what I'm trying to say is that I've been miserable lately, but all and all, I feel like life is getting better.
I'm probably just having loads of panic attacks and stuff from school starting up again.
In a way, tat's what it all boils down too.

School... is gonna' be strange this year.

Very strange...

Today, I introduce ya' to the beauty of Floppy Dee :D

Oh yeah, I also wanted to say I'm a bit sorry for my last post on "I Hate Twilight". I still agree with a lot of what I said, but, I also realize that saying it was pointless and uneeded.

I HATE TWILIGHT

2008-07-25T07:40:00.001-05:00

Yes, I do.
It's the stupidest book I've ever even tried to read, and I must admit.
I couldn't make it through the first chapter without nearly cutting my eyes out.
THat is how dry and lifeless the story is.
And don't tell me the book gets better.
It's so unrealistic that it makes Shrek look like a real encyclopedia of wildlife, and it brings about unrealistic expectations of the world.
Not just people, but the whole world.

Just a quick scan of groups dedicated to the book on facebook shows stupid things like "If you fell in love with Edward". And, worse yet, there is a group saying that vampires or good! WTF?

Out of all the (real) vampires I have met (aka people who take part in drinking blood), they were pretty damn full of themselves.
They weren't bad, no, but, they were jack-a's.

And then, in the event that there was an actual vampire invasion (not that I believe in "real" vampires), atleast a million or two girls and women would be dead because they would try to make the vampires fall in love with them.

And, then, the topic of sex introduced.
Call me conservetive, but sex is not something I agree with in novels that some people refer to as "the bible".
I mean, people that refer to those novels (are any novel other than said holy book) should be sued. It's so wrong that even I have trouble comprehending it.

And, if I have trouble comprhending it, it must be hard to comprhend.

In the end, we have something that is actually un-Christian, and I condemn the reading of this novel for anything except entertainment.
If you refer to it as "the bible", or better then said book.

I CONDEMN YOU.

It's bad if I condemn you.

Trust me, you're at the bottom of the social ladder if I won't even talk to you.

In the end though, this whole thing is (hopefully) just hype.

I asy hopefully because there's still another book full of ways to get killed in a vampire apocalyse to come.

-.-
I feel sorry for those who read this book (assuming there is actually a vampire apocalyse :P

But yeah, out of all the crap in the world the Twilight serious is something I'm actually against.

The Cultural Future Part 2: Make It The Future

2008-07-24T18:01:00.003-05:00

If you can remember, I wrote a quick little essay. Mostly about the future of culture due to the Internet. But, I also said the future wasn't all that great looking.
It is actually fairly grim.
Why?
Because, the internet doesn't really bring people together.
It could, but people don't use it correctly.
To understand the correct use of the internet, you have to look at what it was made for.

In the beginning, the internet was a project to bring universities together.
Another thing similar to the Internet (though I would consider it more of a closed transfer system [aka sms]) was used by the military to relay messages, documents, and other various information.

Now, flash forward to the early 90's.
The "internet" begins to find it's way into the mainstream.
Into the homes of people.
The people who build the first sites are obviously governments, organizations, and business.
However, the University students of the 60's, and 70's begin to put the small "university groups" out there in order to bring people together.

If you keep going through to the early 2000's, you find websites like Myspace and Xanga building from the original idea of bringing people together.

Problem with this?
Anybody?
Okay then, people naturally develop into their own group.
It's something most things do. Even nuts in a container seem to segregate in a way so that you have to eat a hundred peanuts just to get one buttery brazil nut.

As is life.

So, people of course built there friends and groups around what they liked.
What they were comfortable with.
This pisses me off.
It's what's going to destroy the internet.
And, it's someday going to ruin us.

Yes, I said ruin.
Big words, yes?

The internet is going to break us into smaller and smaller groups.
Not that we want to, it's just going to cause a whole lot more angst in us.
We're going to find ourselves staying more and more in or comfort range.
And, breaking out of it a whole lot less.
In a way, the internet has brought people together.
But it's really just putting people that are alike together.
That goes against the internet.

The internet was made to give power to the little people.
And to bring all people together.
But, we divide into groups.
So, we just make slightly larger groups that don't exist.

The stereotypes become stronger.
The people learn to hate more.
The internet fails in what it was made to do.

Course, I even do this.
Except, I step out of my comfort range.
Even now, writing this blog post is uncomfortable.
What are people going to think?
Meh, I don't care about that anymore.
I am Tyler, nothing changes that.
I am no group.
I am no stereotype.
I am not one who seeks comfort.
I seek the future.
I seek hope.

And, I know that that is what the internet is about.

Not building groups.
But destroying them.
It's about the people.
Not groups.

So, I close by asking you to step out of your comfort range.
Try new things.
Be somebody else.
Learn something new
Don't be a group.
Be a person.

Realize the dreams of or forefathers.
And fail the stereotypes...

Just because you know you can.

EXPLICT (At times)

My Wants

2008-07-23T23:10:00.002-05:00

On a planet known as Earth the world is nothing but a confusing mess
And, it's not the fact that on occasion I find myself to be a pessimist
The Earth is just what it happens to be
A lone planet in a vast universe of nothing

It's not your fault
Oh my I think not
The loneliness makes us wonder, question, want
Is there a world to love other then our own?

We think not
God prevails
He rules the one
The planet Earth
The shining example
Of what life could have been
And yet this is a sample
And not the end
-------------------------------------------------

Seek the sky ever vigilant
Seek your life ever scattered
Find my dream forever knowledgeable
Prepare for death by doing your most wondrous

-------------------------------------------------------------------

They rose from their graves
Nobody knew what to say
They left death in their wake
And yet nobody knew what they should say

----------------------------------------------------------------------

Meh, I got bored.
If you wasted time, you could decode those to figure out more about me ;P
But, w/e.

I always like to think about how much I've changed in the past year.
It's a fun thought
It makes the future so very hopeful.

I've gone from being a selfish, self-centered brat, to a some-what mature person who understands that I make up 90% of my problems.

It's nice to realize that.
I've gone from listening to only "emo" music (and saying all other music sucked), to listening to mostly trance (with the headphones cranked up WAY to loud :D, and metal. But, I love most forms of music (I totally skipped rap on my transition from screamo to techno :P

I've gone from being some freak who "can't take my own freakiness", to a person that is still, yes a freak, but I am because that's who I am, and hey, I'll admit it... I like to see people's reactions to some of the stuff I do ;)
And, getting attetion totally beats the "alternative" ways I used to get attetion. Meh, I guess that stuff is behind me now.
w/e

Anyways, I blog now.
It really helps me release my thoughts.
And, to think that there may actually be a chance for people to see them.
That's always a nice thought

I guess, I can't wait to see what next year brings for me.
9th was such a great year for me.
It totally brought me back to perspective of what I really wanted and needed in life.
Which was great.

So, here's to a (hopefully) 'nother great year ^-^

This light rant brought to you by:

PERI MENTAL! :D

mucho trance

The NEW facebook

2008-07-23T01:24:00.002-05:00

Cause all the big blogs talk about it :P

Yeah, I have finally gotten the new facebook redesign.
To say the least it is quite cool.
But, it takes a little bit to get used to the very dramatic change.
And, compared to other facebook redesigns this ones is dramatic.

It's good though that they didn't add anything stupid.
The made annoyances go away with the "boxes" tab.
Which is nice.
I'm sure though, that some people will confused as to where their "Fish Friend app" is.

Not that that's a real app.
That's just the sort of stupid things people.
I've grown out of that kind of stuff I guess.
I'm happy with my blog, flickr, iLike, and the other basic-ish stuff.
Lots of people aren't.
meh.

I think I covered my viewpoint on the new facebook (It's awesome after a quick period of getting used to it)

But, I shall leave you.
Blogging Later
~Tyler

The Cultural Future: PART 1

2008-07-21T16:06:00.001-05:00

The future is, and will always be, a fun topic to think about.
"What's going to happen in the future?" has to be one of the most open questions that man can ask themselves.
But, why is it so open ended?
It is because we simply can not begin to understand the full amount of variables in effect for such a question.
We can only make choices, and we can only have thoughts.

I, like most humans, have thoughts of the future of humanity.
Me being culturally inclined, I mostly question classes, systems, traditions.

The thing that will happen first is probably that we as people will enter a state of "voluntary surveillance".
I can only think about how blogging and Myspace/Facebook has shaped my idea of "privacy".
Over the past few years, I have believed less and less that privacy existed, and the more I blog, the more I think privacy was a stupid idea to begin with.
I now believe that if there's something you don't want people to know or see, obviously it should have been done.
My concept of right and wrong has begun to be shifted into something along the lines of "If you don't want somebody to know something, that something was wrong or incorrect, or at the least, improper."
From my knowledge, there is a growing trend towards, instead of against this.
It is, to say the least very different from the way our parents and grandparents used to live.
Why are we becoming like that though?

It's easy to assume that it's because of the internet, and Myspace, and Facebook, and blogs.
But, I think it's something deeper.
I think it's something that's been bubbling into our culture for a long time. But, the internet has turned that bubbling brook into a rushing river.
What is it?
The need for free.

It of course started in the 60's and 70's with things like "Free Love", and the "Hippies" trying to find ways to live aside from the government's often overpowering laws. Home-school, rebellion, modern rock, drugs, love, angst.
All these things (and of course more) shaped this era. This era that includes most of our very parents.
It is the era of people wanting to be people.
Instead of how in the past people wanted to be a nation.

Now, people began to seek societies that were then, and now, only dreamed of.
Utopia.
Pure, and perfect Communism.
Lots of people say "Capitalism is the best form of economy."
But, the fact is that Communism is and always will be the perfect government.
But, as humans pure Communism without corruption is, by all means, a near impossibility.

But then, in the early 90's another world began to emerge.
This world is the one we know as the internet.
And, it is very quickly on it's way to becoming a socialist world.
And, socialism is the middle ground between Capitalism and Communism.

As people are allowed to edit the very internet, and as editing the web becomes easier and easier, classes begin to be broken. On the internet, I can talk to Stephen Hawkins, I can look a the daily life of Bill Gates, and nearly everything on the web can be found for free (though at times through questionable means).
Anybody, at anytime, can all of a sudden find their blog shut down because to many people want to see it.
That my friend, is fame.
And, on the internet, anybody can get a devoted fan-base.

But, even with all of this, chances are there will be a downfall.
Internet will probably not succeed, and the social world probably will suffer more from the internet than it has gained.

I'll talk about that more tomorrow on "The Cultural Future: Part 2"
Until then, toodles :)

Can't sleep...

2008-07-20T02:50:00.002-05:00

And so I blog :p

Like I say, "It's what I do."

Ever since, 7th grade I've pretty much blogged.
Until like I got a Myspace I didn't blog often though.
lol, I've never deleted a blog either, so if I looked around a bit I could (probably) find some of those older blogs.
I always liked blogs because of that.
The ability to not lose information.
My friend, that is a gift for my bad memory :D

Anyways, today I have learned that Last.FM sucks now, twitter is addictive, I can't get "winks", and that Pandora Radio is my new favorite online - music site (not counting Jamendo of course). I wish Jamendo would hurry up and get integrated with Firefox, and Facebook. Then I'd really be rolling.

Yes, I said rolling :p
Anyways, I want to talk about Pandora real quick.

This is a really useful, fun site.
It is online radio that you edit.
Best yet, what you listen to isn't based off genres, but instead a complicated list of musical elements.
So, your music is divided up better.
What's best about it though is that you can share your radio station.

It's fun because I'm trying to "custom build" a radio station for different people.
Like, right now I'm making a "Lightly Hardcore" which is pretty much stuff like "The Used", or "My Chemical Romance".
Tomorrow I might try to make an "Indie Rock" station.
That's why it's fun. It can be challenging to decide what qualifies as "Lightly Hardcore" and not "Hardcore", and stuff like that.

So, check out Pandora.
Also, I go by "TLo667" on Pandora.

So, that was a Web2.0 app I wanted to show you.
Hope ya' check it out.

And maybe Twitter.
People should know about Twitter :p

I don't have much else to say.
Tomorrow I'm going to the movies (I think) with my aunt.
meh, I don't like going to movies.
But, I get to see Hell Boy 2! :D
I can go for that.

Oh yeah, my grandpa's (said) that he was going to try and go 30 days without illegally downloading stuff :D
I nearly had a panic attack trying to explain why I thought illegally downloading stuff was wrong, so I'm happy 'bout that.

blessing is a good pop rock band... it's all in French, but I find that I can really enjoy the emotional feeling in the music.

Me again

2008-07-19T03:58:00.003-05:00

Just wanted to say that I'm bored.

And, the fact is that I'm going to ACTUALLY switch TO Facebook.

If any of my friends on Myspace don't like that I'll give them two options: Suck It Up, or At least try to learn how to use Facebook.
It's not like it's all that hard or anything.
If I figured it all out in a day I think the average person could figure it out in 3.

So, that's it really.
Cold in my house, I'm bored, it's late :p

Also, I do post blogs fairly often (at least on Myspace I posted upwards of a hundred and something in a year).
So, I am compulsive about it.
Sometimes I post sad things, happy things, interesting things, under crap.
Course, as I've been getting more and more used to the web2.0 stuff, I post more and more important things, and less personal things.
W/E

It's probably a waste of time explaining myself :p

Also, I use these sites more to whore my blogs (I'll admit it), and as every human I have a sub-conscious (Is it really sub-conscious if you realize it) need to be noticed... which, now that I think about it is very against the nature of most things.
Anyways, I like comments on my blog :D
So, if you read it, comment it :p
A quote I very much like is "Comments are crack for bloggers"
That is VERY true.

So, that is a run down of me in the internet sense.
lol

MUSIC:

I love Atomic Cat.
VERY great Trance/Club/House DJ from France. As always you can download the music for free LEGALLY if you want.
I want somebody to look in my face, think about 60% of the rave music out there, and then tell me that nothing good came from France :p

I want to learn French, and move to France... or San Fransisco... or maybe Seattle. Whichever, I still want to learn French so I can understand some of my music :]